There's No Title for This Blog

On the whole I consider myself to be an authentic person. I try to live my life as a mostly open book, save the occasional half buried skeleton or two. I don't spread rumors(but I don't believe there is such a thing as a secret), I don't tell lies, and if I have a problem with someone I usually confront them on it. Occasionally while doing this people's feelings get stepped on. It's never my intention, though it may seem that way sometimes. I just feel that negative feelings only get worse when they aren't talked about. Wounds don't heal if left untreated. So I speak my mind because I have to for me. It's probably selfish, but I don't know. I'd rather know how someone's feeling than think I know and interpret things incorrectly.

I've learned however that there are some people who can't handle my brand of honesty. The few I keep around I do because I value them. I see good in them. I tolerate their lack of ability to handle confrontation. Their decisions regarding how they handle their emotions are just that. I'm not the kind of person who lets go of people easily, so I just waited it out. That's all you can do with a person who can't handle confrontation-wait it out. You grow up in a family with addiction and you realize that the only thing you can control is yourself. You've gotta accept the things you cannot change.

But you also have to have the courage to change the things you can.

I know I'm not perfect. I run my mouth more than most people. I don't see shades of gray very often in my personal life, probably because I live in gray everywhere else I go. I come off as detached because I learned a long time ago how important walls are. I'm more prone to PMS than most women I know. And while intellectually I can go with pretty much anyone I meet, physically I'm a sloth.

I'm not perfect, but I consider myself a good person. I'm a positive-intending person. I don't intentionally try to hurt anyone. I don't even cut up spiders when they cross my path like Kristie does. :)

But this is my trigger issue:

If you're going to accuse me of something accuse me of it. Don't say it behind my back or through passive-aggressive messages to no one. Or better yet, how about assuming that people you're supposed friends with don't have malicious intent and saying something along the lines of "hey, I noticed you did X. Did you realize you did that hurtful thing that's made me angry?"

What's most unfortunate about this is that I know it's going to ruin other friendships. Or I should say it's going to ruin MORE friendships because it's already ruined two that I know of. It's going to create drama. And despite what people WILL believe, that's not my intention. My intention is to cut the yuck out of my life. Seriously, if I can't go on Twitter without being stressed, upset, hurt, and angry, why do I go on Twitter at all? So I have two choices-give up Twitter or give up the person who makes me feel bad about myself when I'm on Twitter.

I made a mistake. I own up to it. If this person had talked to me AT ALL since this issue arose, she would know that. But it's NOT the mistake I've been accused of. And I've done what I can to rectify it. I would have done it sooner if I had realized I had done something hurtful. I didn't know b/c she didn't talk to me. People who know me and are really my friends will know me well enough to know that I would never intentionally do what I've been accused of. But I guess that's kind of the point here, isn't it?

So in a few minutes I'm going to log onto Twitter and hit the "unfollow" button. I know a lot of people don't think this is a big deal, but I do. And yes I realize the shit is going to hit the fan. But I'm hoping that when the air clears the people who are really my friends will still be there. And if you want to have a conversation about feelings, bring it on. But bring it on to me and not the world.